Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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