if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
