i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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