Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
