I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
