ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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