shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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