And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
