you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
