There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pants are for mortals
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
