jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
