You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize