and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
