The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
