My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
