Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize