I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
