I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
