So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
