Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
