If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
