you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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