can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize