Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
