I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
