Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
