dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You made out with two different species that night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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