I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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