They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
