i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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