I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
