i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
