How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
