i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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