So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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