did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize