is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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