do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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