As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Someone shit on the floor
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
