I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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