i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
