you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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