It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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