he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
