in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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