Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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