That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
