Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
