Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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