why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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