just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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