nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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