did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
