Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
