I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
