so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're a waste of cheezeits
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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