I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
