There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize