He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
and you fell through a lawn chair
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
