ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
