Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
