Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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