did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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