ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
