I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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