So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
