Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
