tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
