Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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