If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize