so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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