oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
