I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Pants are for mortals
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
