It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
