Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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