also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
