You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize