I think I won the penis lottery.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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