Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
