Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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