You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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